I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
PANTIES FOUND
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