I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
