she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
