There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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