I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
