I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
