Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
