my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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