so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
