She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize