I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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