i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
