ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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