white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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