What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
