The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
