She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
