My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
