I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
