i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
