I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
