just tell him i said nine months
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
