I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
