I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
