Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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