tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
