this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize