Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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