i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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