i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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