I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
