More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
