Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
