Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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