jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
