so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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