How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
