Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
this hospital has no fireball
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
