having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
