Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I just put wine in my tea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
