My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
