It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
