I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
