I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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