Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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