Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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