cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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