But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
