He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
