i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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