The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
