I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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