Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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