I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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