ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
worst night to have a conscience
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
