i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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