Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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