i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize