Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
