I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize