True but thats because hes a fetus.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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