She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my being single is dangerous.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
