I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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