THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
