He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
