you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize