I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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