im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
