I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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