So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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